teh gratst
Some attributes
First Likes bagels and turtles
Second Amazing dancer
Third Known Bruno Mars fan
Other attributes
Fourth Once ate a monopoly piece
Fifth Cheesy ballsack
Sixth Dust covered sperm stains in a hotel room
EB AKA Woolie James AKA General Cumtally Ballsiogot is a lazy pizza eating pot head that sits around watches porn all day. He currently resides in Blackyville, NC.


EB was born in Chair City, North Carolina sometime in the early 1990's (unclear when) to a group of traveling gypsy octopuses. He escaped from his birth parents and found refuge with a family down the street... literally like two houses down, his real parents saw him all the time bullying and vandalizing shit with his older "brother" Jared (a day walker). By middle school he became a chubby little retard and was super gay, nobody liked him.

In high school he lost all his chub and became cool and often hung out with his no good degenerate friend; Alfonzo. After brief peroid of  time of being in the Latin Kings he decided to turn his life around. By constantly drinking and never managing to keep a steady job his life suddenly became better somehow; or maybe he is just too drunk to remember how much better things were while he was with Alfonzo.

Now he spends most of his time hanging out with his friends at weird hours of the night and early morning and chatting with his (faggot) e-friends. He also takes his dog for bi-daily walks around the continental United States, making sure to visit all national parks in one walk. EB sometimes forces his stupid girlfriend to get him groceries and fuck up the order; he just wanted some goddamn garlic and parmesan pita chips now I... erm I mean EB has to settle for sea salt!

Can you believe that shit? Sea salt? C'mon...

Oh sorry, where was I? EB, right. He is super cool and has the sex drive of James Dean (the pornstar not the fucking actor). Yeah, you'll never meet a cooler guy. Everybody else is gay.


  • Sex with women
  • Sex with men
  • Sex
  • Pizza
  • Weed
  • Jack Daniels
  • Cocaine
  • Vests
  • Beating up homeless men
  • Starting underground fight clubs with hobos
  • Hobo sex
  • Eating cake off of his girlfriends breasts
  • Being a thin-sucked dewberry.
  • Bad bitches (got a fucking problem)
  • Cumfarts
  • Especially cumfarts


  • Women
  • Men
  • People
  • Everything
  • Being too cool (really, its a curse)
  • Listening to his girlfriend
  • Talking to his girlfriend
  • His girlfriend
  • Women
  • Higgey
  • Fat people
  • His friends
  • Shiggy


He is from the south, making him ineligible to continue his education past 6th grade.


He gets fired very often.

Literature ExperienceEdit


Gallery of EBEdit